nollie factor

btw, ive been working on nollies now

more practice needed

Remember the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, to be the day in which WWI ended. And to pay tribute to all the veterans in past, present, a

To the men who fought in world war 1, the heart aches, the pains, the cruelty, the loss of limbs, lives, and innocence.

Where men still fought with their bare hands and scourged for food.

The last vestige of chivalry among the old world. Where ancient and old strategy was obsolete with modern warefare.

Where lossing 100, 000 men was common. Where losing millions were fathomable

where everything was old fashioned

this is their day to remember.

And to thank and appreciate all who lost their lives.

Now, that you think of it, they wouldnt be too much older than I going off to war and die.

Man, today was a good day lol.

On top of doing nose manuals and kickflips and coping grinds by the belltower, I had a great 2 nites.

I had a good time meeting new people. New friends. Drinking with my homies and dancing with the girls.

Then saturday I went to my big sis's place and spent halloween there. Dressed up. I would work the door bell giving away candy. I was like "What do you want and what are you supposed to me" in a voice like batman lol.

but that was fun. cute seeing all those kids :] i gave them the best candies and playdough. so i thought i was one of the awesome houses that gives out cool stuff lol

then i was taking 8 shots with my brother in law, he made me white russians and was heavy with the kahlua and vodka haha. and then i had ship wrecks and on top of that, 7 beers.
oh man.

we had old school 80s music on since everyone was like 28 lol. we had a fire pit in the back and beer pong table.

Now I know some physic grad teachers working at RCC and some airtower controlers

so that was fun.

i woke up this morning with playdough in my pockets, a shot glass next to me, string, a tattoo (washable) on my arm, fone, keys, wallet, in place, and woke up to a dog licking my face.

Emotion status. I try so hard, but get so far, and in the end, it doesnt even matter.

Some of what is happening I can only blame myself for it. Lets make this clear.

So this quarter started very unusual for me. First off, I have made some intimate relations with certain people that I actually had no initial intention on starting.
Both of which would have gone no where and would have strictly been physical, unemotional, and secret.

I do not want to feel confinded and used.

So I separated myself from that. And that was that.

Then I have been very laxed on my readings and hw and classes. I have such an interest in what I am taking, but all of the novels that I professors whore out to us is very impossible to read. Not to mention one of my professors wants us to religiously read HIS own book that he translated.

And I just had my chinese test, and I think I got the worst in the class. I hate myself now. I was totally blindsided and I had been studying that for 2 days working very hard only to let myself fall the lowest in the class. I try so hard and get so far, but in the end it doesnt even matter.

Second. I met this amazing girl. We were introduced by a mutual friend. But the more we hung out the more time we spent together the closer we get. However the closer I get to her, the more she thinks of me as her brother and she is bi curious now. She has to be the only mature girl in every sense of the word here. And thats what facinates me and draws me to her. However, she is a 2nd year and Im 4th, she still has her tendencies that we have all went through. She has met a guy at a party, he took her home and starting making out and now they are seeing each other. Im just kinda jealous of how he can get someone as good as her so easily and I do all I can to do things for her and I get shit. But most of all, I dont know if he truely know her to actually fathom how lucky he is with someone like her. Ive been saving myself up for someone like her. I take her out everywhere, get lost of random drives, take her to dinners, and even went gay clubbing with her. But that is later on, and I also help her clean, cook, and make her sandwiches that she loves. Anyways, I want to have an aulturistic ideal of sacrificing my own desires and goals for her. The more I hang out with her, the more supportive I am with her and everything she does. I lose my sense of self in concerning myself with her. Iono, I blame myself for it.
On her part, she talks to me about everything, I listen. She cooks for me sometimes, and I help her with that and all, but most of the time we just hang out and talk. She is the first girl to be so open to me and caring and considerate and that among her personality and how open she is draws me to her.

But yeah, I still need to do my laundry and get back to somewhat of my old life. I need to clean up my place and stop spending money foolishly. It will stop this week. Period. I severe the lines.

So now, we went to a gay club today. Its girls nite. So Im like, ok thats cool, Ill be surrounded by pussy and shit. Have a good time. When I get there, hella gay guys are walking around, Im like, ok, its normal, this is a gay club. I sit down and be there with them. I knew they were having fun but I just dont belong. The entire nite, I felt like I dont belong. I dont even belong in straight clubs. So then my friend and her friend met up with other friends. So we had a big group. But they were total bitches that I wanted to separate myself from. I was kinda like the 3rd wheel loner. We soon went to the dance floor, mind you I never had anything hard to drink to losen me up of numb my state of mind. So we were dancing and no one danced with me. Me being straight, Im not looking for any gay action. I want some cute girls. But anyways I saw one of my friends and that was nice and I look over and the girl that I have been madly in love with on a emotional and intellectual scale is hardcore kissing her friend. So, Im taken back surprised, but I have to be supportive of her. I would be a dick if I were to walk out and shit. Im better than that, so I rally and support her. Even though inside Im screaming and visualize my insides falling out. My heart has been ripped out so many times, and this one was like no other. Even though she still seeing this guy that she met at the party and now this, I couldnt bear it. But I did. I endured. I felt anguish and pain. I felt yelling silence. I had absolutely no fun at the gay club. Honestly, next time I go I will have to be hammered. But in the end, I was still supportive of her, even though I feel like Im going through the motions and mentally Im not here.

So with this little quick update, this is whats been going on in my life and how I feel.

I feel like a veteran returning from battle and having a hard time readjusting to society.

No one I know understands the cruel reality that lies in front of us, I try to open up to people, but in turn get mowed down and chewed out.

Today I really felt my heart abused, I was totally ignored from the girl who asked me to come with her for support, and left for dead out in the streets by sorta feeling like a homeless with no home or person to walk back to and confide and be at peace with.

I just feel a terrible pain in my heart now and Im fighting back tears. My throat is choked up and I feel very sad and emotional right now.

But I got to bottle it up and endure. With this new found pain I feel that I am separating myself further from society and confirming that I will forever be a bachelor no matter what I do or how much I offer myself to people. I will always be that stupid fucking nice guy that will always be taken advantaged and used.

Things in my head that I cant take away.

One of the first things I remember is just how fucked up politics is. If you dont kiss ass or bribe anyone or are the son or daughter of someone in where ever you work, things are going to be difficult.
If you are a hard worker, be prepared to be over worked, used, and taken advantage of. no matter your intelligence or hard work and determination, you are there soley to make your supervisor look good to his superiors.

safety and concern is not the top priority, just as long as the job gets done and you get paid.

I remember climbing up 40 ft up on the top shelves to get more flags for these national guard troops. Iono. National guard career people dont appeal to me as much as veterans who serve out on national guard. I respect them more. But I just would count how many flags were in each box and though to myself of how many people died. I laid each box like i was laying a flag on each soldiers grave. It hurt me to know that I was getting preparations to bury someone. Just the thought of knowing that someone is dead, even if I dont know them, it hurts me personally.

The other thing that hurts me is how there is a sense of superiority over different people. Of how, like, just because you are not working in an office or have a business card, you are not important.

I remember the sheer number of amputees. How many old people looks like empty shells. Old vets of baseless and corrupt wars sitting limp in their wheelchairs.

To be working with veterans of vietnam and seeing them to be treated like shit. I worked with someone from infantry and huey calvary division in vietnam, a vietnam airbourne paratrooper, a vietnam sniper, two navy vets, and a veteran from the Iraqi war.
We are all in the PLATOON of642. We are the forgotten living, always getting the shit end of the stick by everyone and we still keep humping and getting it done. Theyve taught me so much and made me mature that I cant that them enough for opening themselves up to me in such a small amount of time.

By knowing all of them, Milton Brown, Leroy Crabtree, Sam (no green eggs and ham) Kelly, Al (Good AL) Tingle, Ryan underwood, and Ryan huston. Then there are the management faggots, Al Limon, uses me to talk to his nephew of how i got this job, Craig Coy, fucking slacker in the mail room. Boost up his job like its so important and yet I learned how to do it and made it more efficient in 2 weeks time. And fucking Gil Aquino. Forces me to do dangerous shit, dangerous safety hazards, making me to do other shit on my last day of work and talk as if im his property, and will one day teach me to drive a forklift. fuck that shit. I have higher aspirations in life. Dont want to be a 40 year old chain smoker commuting 50 miles everyday to be a supervisor of a small warehouse and is the bitch to everyone in the hospital.

I remember running around in the fucking hot heat to cover a fucking slackers job. A new guy, thrown in the middle of complete shit and expected to survive.

I remember yelling at other PR people. Especially those who were responsible for my well being.

I remember black labeling myself when I called out HR on my basic rights that were not given to me because they were fucking lazy.

I remember the fucking VA system is ran by trashy ass slutty women who probably sucked dick and slept with horny old men to get into the positions they are in now.

I remember new medical student doctors looking like lost children or puppies in the hospital. Their little community office was like an extended classroom where they dont even do anything.

Their rounds is a chance for them to play doctor but have no emotional connection with the patients.

There was a code blue, meaning someone is dying in one of the wings. I was making my rounds in the hospital and i was at the entrance where these doctors would be coming out. Anyways, they all came running out like 5 minutes later. Then they were coming together talking about what they were up to, then someone came running, everyone started to run. It looked like they were scared sheep and when they see one running, they all run even though they all may not know why. As they were running I would hear, "oh shit I forgot ____.....oh well, I dont need it" or its ok. or something of that nature. I couldnt believe it. Are these the new doctors that we rely on so far? Are these these demi gods walking on earth that we all revere. Just watching them running around in circles just made me feel so angry and mad and fustrated at them. I felt the same before and overwhelmed, but when there are peoples lives in question, there is no room for them to fuck up. If this was a war where quick life or death situations matter, they would all die. I feel like they are book smart but when it came to the action of things, they will all mess up. I wanted to just go to them and shake them to wake them up and remind them of the severity of the entire situation is. That is why I somewhat have animosity between civilians and military doctors.

Have you lost that loving feeling? Not me! I found it!

I think now I want to pursue a surgical nursing path in my career. Mr. Milton opened the door for me in allowing me to think about it. Then I was talking to a few people at work and viola I am scheduled to be observing an orthopedic surgeon on thursday. Im supper psyched about it and cant wait. I feel this is my way to give back and learn. I just love this new feeling and excitement of finally being able to know your own sense of self. Things are finally clicking. the birds with feathers flock together, but the eagle soars alone. I am that eagle. I can and will do it! Ahhh! cant wait! So I spent the nite watching some real life surgeries by medical schools. Its like watching an episode that you should look away but cant! Ahh I love this feeling!

btw, patrick swayse died today after losing a battle with pancreatic cancer of 20 years. and that yale student got stuffed in the lab wall. she was from placerville.

and leroy and them wanted me to watch, an officer and a gentlemen...sometime maybe lol.

My new cruiser deck in memory of Tom

zig zagger 8.6 x 32
Indy 149 trucks
58mm krooked wheels

bone swiss bearings

Goodbye Tom, I'll always cherish your memory and the times we spent together. May you rest in peace

Tom you were one of my favorite people at the Nine16 Skate shop. I was there for your opening and am your loyal customer and skater. From the times we hung out, smoked a j and drank you began to be a very cool friend. As we started to skate more together, just mob down streets and kickbacks, I felt really happy. You would always give me discounts on the stuff I would buy. I remember I bought the same matix pants that you were wearing and also that chocolate hat just the past week. Your death on monday really took me by surprise, because just the past friday we were hanging out, playing skate, and you were showing me about that power band thing. I cant bring myself to see that accident where you were hit. I sobbed when I saw your blood stains on the road with chalk circled around it. I wish I was there to push you aside from that car. I just miss you man. And when I see that picture of you holding your two girls, it kills me inside. I lost 3 close friends already to car accidents and you are the 4th. I will try my best to take off work to attend your funeral on monday. If not, my most sincerest regrets and apologies. I have been praying for you the past week and for your family. And I try to stop by where you were hit and light the candles out there. We are all saying that we should turn that spot into a skate spot lol, but iono how that would go. Bobby seems to be taking it ok now, but it hit him hard. Man, from knowing you since 12 years old I cant imagine how he must feel. But it seems like he is doing better. I think his daughter Tiara is helping him a lot. I just bought a Zig zaggar deck the other day and it would be in your honor. I will always remember you with this board. So, thanks for all the memories, I will still try to check in on everyone and I hope that you will be fine. Goodbye Tom, we will meet again. But not yet, not yet.

Just Fuck It

Fuck work. I work too hard to do this shit. From 8am I am busting my ass. I jump into shit. I jump into helping out with deliveries, tagging shipments and packages. I help my other co workers with their deliveries. I run all around the hospital. Then I do the inside run for the mail. I do it twice. Once at 9:30 and another at 1:30. Then I have to separate the mail and process everything in between. I am so fucking busy during the day that I barely sit down and eat lunch. Everyone is expecting me a summer hire to do a full time employee's job. That means they expect me to know every name, every place, every rate, and make everyone feel special all at the same time. I usually have another person or persons helping me. But more often than not, Im here by myself, left with all the pieces hanging. Why? Some retiree is gonna take his leave. im ok with that. Then I have this lil punk ass fucking slacker who has surgery, but still comes down to work. does nothing here, gets paid, tells everyone that he is working when he is not and get about his business. He doenst even help me. He makes a mess and walks away. He moves one pile of shit to another. what the fuck it up with that? He takes it so fucking easy. Why? Cuz he ass licks and gets fucked by management who is run by perverted old men who just want their faces on the fucking local news. They are so wrapped up in their egos its shamefull. Whenever we bring up their incompetence actions and their wasteful spending, they fire everyone. When they do something wrong, they are quick to blame the little grunts. they are kaniving and punk ass bitches. I get so fustrated and stressed out that I want to kill someone. tear them apart. On top of everything else, I get yelled at by other departments cuz they want their shit out early. FUCK THEM. I get paid too little and worked so hard to deserve this shit. So I speak my mind. I hate the system at this place so much that I want to burn it all and kill all those bitches in management. Im not getting 10 pipe bombs, a chainsaw, or a machete, but I just hope someday they can realize how bad and hurtful they were and try to repent or change the ways of how they do things. I want to be there when they fuck up badly and they are all crying. Whats worst is that all who suffer the most. Are the patients. Those whom we are here to help and serve. They are what keep me going.

Putting myself in Check

Today I had a bad day.

Frustrating, blood boiling, furious, leathal, primal, and deadly.

I felt like I wanted to go out and fucking kill someone. I was going to rip them up part by part in the most agonizing, painful, and intense way possible. I was just that mad.

....It all started from this morning. Woke up at 7am! instead of 6am. Running kinda late. becoming speed racer down Highway 50. Fucking going in and out of lanes, passing up slow ass people, and my constant velocity was about 79-85 mph. With morning traffic. I would push people and cut in front of them. Very selfish now I think about it. All this for a job that I dont really like doing so much? mehhh.

I want to apologize to all the people I made angry out of my fit of arrogance and rage.

Then once at work, I had to deliver a package. Well, it was mislabeled by these people and I had to walk to FIVE different departments all across the hospital just to find this person. D; I was tired from all that shit that couldve been avoided by the right labeling. oh well. stupid people

Then, my supervisor got wind that the Inspectors are coming in tomorrow. So, he ran around with his head in his ass making everyone jump and do random shit that he himself doesnt even know what to do. Just put up boxes that has been sitting for months on end, cleaning, and getting more things processed and done. If we've been doing things correctly all the time, we wouldve done all this stupid pressured filled, intense panicing. And to have him get on my ass while I handle my stuff was kinda stressfull too. D;

At the end of the day, I walk out to my car and some fucking jackass of a person fucking parks 6 inches from my car. just cause this punk ass little bitch drives a BMW, they think they can do what they want. At least take the time to try to straighten your car a little bit and think of how others when they have to get into their car. Well, that bmw was a piece of shit anyways, it was broke no joke. So that was a little dagger in my side. D;

On the way out, I had this slow ass person let everyone into the lane in front of her, stopping our lane for like 5 minutes. I lost some patience there too. D;

On the way home, there was a dumb fuck in a Yukon fucking jutting in and out of lanes of traffic, the dumb shit was holding things, talking on a cell fone and was driving irratically. Fuck man, really now? D;

Upon seeing that, I had to move over a lane for my exit. And the fucking slow ass girl was driving 55 mph in a 65 mph zone. Now, what the hell is that? She doesnt signal or does anything but be slow and a nuissance. I was enraged by now. I just wanted to get off. D;

Then, on the way home, I had this fucking bitch pushing me for 5 miles. on my tail. I drive the speed I wanna drive. If 5 mph over the speed limit is too slow for you, then fuck off. This bitch was high beaming me, almost ramming me. I did some speed checks to her and shit to fuck with her. So that added to my pressure. D;

Once I got to the East Lawn area, theres these fucking ginormous mansions there. And this girl in an escalade fucking pulls out, taking up both lanes of traffic on our side and proceeds to drive against the flow of traffic to get onto the other side. Well, fuck it. If she wants to play chicken fine with me. I was blowign my horn, yelling, using hand gestures, and screamed at her to get out of the way, I cant stop or slow down because there were hella people behind me and this dumb bitch wasnt paying attention. So I was furious then. D;

Then further down the road one of the side streets have access to the main traffic street, but there is no traffic signals. People usually wait long time to cross two lanes of traffic into the other lanes. Well, this girl fucking stops in the middle of both lanes of traffic to wait for the other side. I am about ready to fucking get out of the car and beat that car up. Or fucking yell at that bitch about driving. I honk, I yell, I scream, I high beam. She finally notices until 200 ft away and backs up so she only blocks one lane. My lane. I was furious and wanted to ram her car so bad. D;

Then, on the way to my dad's work, there is a two lane, single lane way street. It was a 25 mph zone and this woman was doing 10 mph......For like 5 blocks! being behind someone like that just fucking kills me, that is when I wanted to come out and fucking kill someone with my bare hands.
D;

.....But I told my parents this and this is what they said....

Imagine if you have a wife and 3 kids who you all support, and you have to tell them that you had just lost your job. What then? Do you have a job? Do you have a good family? Do you have family support? Are we all alive? Are you healthy? Are we living comfortably?

If so, why complain?

There is more to life that all this stoopid shit. LEt it go and there would be peace. Take deep breaths and imagine their deaths.



The world will still continue moving, time keeps going, people keeping living.

Ryan, the Iraq war veteran. And all its glory

Ryan, 24 years old. Just got married in May. Loves his new wife and loves the out doors. He is currently going to school at Folsom Lake JC to study computer science. He has a scraggly beard and wears old jeans and shirt to work. He is a vibrant person who has experienced and done some amazing things in his life.

Apart from working at various clubs in salt lake city, he worked at a car part warehouse and then as a bartender and then he went to the military as supply and logistics, where he only had done infantry escort service jobs. Now he is at the VA

here are some of his stories he told to me about his war.

His first encounter with a IED.
He was on his first escort mission and was going over a bridge. There was another hummer going underneath when he felt a bump. I turned around and pat himself down to realize he was ok but saw all this rubble on his post.

another encounter was these IEDs are directional, where they have a metal plate guiding the explosion. ryan was the gunner and he went down to tie his shoes, when the directional IED exploded over him. If he were to have not tied his shoes, he wouldve died.

He would sleep during the day where it was so hot, and do missions at night.

He hates women soldiers. Medically, they are not as capable as men when left out in the wilderness for long periods of time.
In basic, they had co ed training. His entire platoon was smoked cuz one of the DI found a used tampon in the floor. Everyone was punished. Even the guys.
When he went of wilderness training courses, the women would come back with yeast infections and urine infections and all that stuff. They need to take more unnecessary things with them on missions.
There was this one girl. She was ok looking, she couldve been hot if she tried, wanted to sleep with every guy in the platoon. Ryan told her off and she kept going after him, until she was transfered to another unit.

Ryan did missions primarily in northern Iraq. By mosul. He would volunteer to go on certain missions to some bases just for their hot sandwiches there.
The whole strategy of going out of cities to give them back to the Iraqi military was in place long before the public withdrawl. what happened was that the iraqis didnt take the training seriously and felt that the americans had their backs. but when the americans left and the military was getting slaughtered, they begged the american military back and retrain them so that they were to take it seriously this time.

He remembers when was in a fire fight and one of his guys had his calf blown off and sheered his shin bone in half. He was the radio operator and had to fight for 8 hours to get a medavac to save his comrade. It was the most gorry, stressful, and horrific time he recalls. His friend was going into shock, and they can see all the blood and blown up part of the leg and everything.
now that guy has skin over his bone, no calf, and rods holding his leg.

There was another guy he knew that had his leg blown off as well. The government makes different legs for people depending on what activity they feel like doing. So among the legs, his friend asked the government to make him a wooden peg leg, so he can wear it for halloween xP

The military is full of paperwork and mundane shit. If you want to go home early or just get out of things early, just say that you werent in combat or seen anything or just have any injuries, cuz if you do, they will hold you for 3 more days.

When you get into the army, you grow accustomed to eating junk food. when we went out for missions, we had poptarts, snickers, muffins, and sodas.

You can make bombs out of your MREs. What you do is to take out all of instant heating stuff that comes with your MREs and put it inside a bottle or something. Then you just add water, the pressure will blow it up. Its much like dry ice.

When we would come to the outside of our base, little Iraqi kids would be throwing rocks at us. To this, we would get some soda that has been boiling next to the tank engines, Id shake them up and chuck it down at the kids feet so that the soda will blow up and hot syrup would get all over them.

Rants about Work

People, I dont know everything first of all. I cant remember 1/6000 names, I cant find your single brown box among hundreds, I cant know what needs to be done if you never tell me, I cant be at 2 places at once, I wont run across the hospital so that you can be first in line. I dont give a shit about you, your authority or how busy you are compared to me. I do my job, and I do it right.

Wisdom of soldiers

Milton Brown.
The Vietnam Sniper, retired vet, retired mailroom employee, and soon to be lawyer

i never talk about war. Ever. Its nothing I wish to no one and no one should ever be subjected to it.

It is your obligation to your attacker to warn them before you take any action

the difference between a garrison soldier and a foot soldier is that a foot soldier fights to kill.

when you do something, make sure you do it right. speed will come later

when you do it right, you only need to do it once.

some of milton brown's quotes

Hehhhllo

let me as you a simple question

you are a gentleman and a scholar

whats up daddy rich?

im always having a good day

Milton had a friend. Second craziest person he know, but one of his best friends. Would wear two knifes in each of his boots when he was out in the field.
His friend had long hair to his back. Whenever they went to town to the bars to buy rounds for everyone, this friend never liked anyone staring at him. When someone did that, his friend would go apeshit on him. Bust tables, chairs, bottles, everything. Milton limit himself to two beers knowing that they were about to be shut down. It was because of this incident where Milton and his friends were barred from every bar in every town they stopped at. He told me that his commanding officer told them that they had to stay out for 90 days in the field because of this. But if you are with people who would die for you, it doesnt matter where you party, so they never minded.

Vietnam War Stories of Leroy Crabtree. A loveable 306 lb santa claus looking, kind hearted harley davidson riding man

Leroy Crabtree.
He eats only double cheeseburgers and is an outright anti vegetarian of any shape or form.
in in his genes he says.
Mr Sam I am that does not like green eggs and ham kelly calls him Leroy of all Crabtrees.
Always asking him to try tofu scrambled eggs.
Leroy has major kidney and carpeltunnel problems.
His wife has an on going cancer that is slowly getting to him
He is not of the 1 percenter gangs. he calls himiself a motorcyclist.
He rides on a big black and white harley davidson with big saddlebags and looks pretty solid on it
He does not want to be in any leadership position whatsoever and we tease him about being our workleader.
He always tries to joke around with me to join the marines and go to marines ocs school lol. officer training corps.

These are some of his stories that I feel to keep around and keep forever.
Bootcamp.
Reception.
"What type of hair cut you want?" if you answer, they slap you aside the head and start shaving your head from the middle... then a, "get your ass out of my chair and into the corner. NEXT!"

"Blanket parties are when you screw up and blow it for your whole company, that nite two guys pull your blankets down so you cant move while everyone takes a turn beating you with soap bars inside their pillow cases"

"if you ever get a hangover and do your 6 mile run, you know who your true friends are when they hold both of your shoulders up and the guy that you barf on doesnt kick your ass"

"if you ever have a loose footlocker, the drill sergant will make you drag your footlocker to the middle of the parade ground. make you dig a hole deep enough for it, bury it, and then dig it up. the whole time, two of your friends or your whole company would be on guard during the whole nite while you are doing this. then the next day is your blanket party"

Army hospitals
officer comes "Smith! get your ass in my office!"
"Im not Smith sir, Im Leroy."
"The fuck you arent smith! Get your ass in my office, we are gonna pull some teeth!"
"oh no sir, Im hear to have my kidneys done. not my teeth"
"bullshit, get the fuck over here now!"
then an orderly tells the officer that he is not smith
leroy then sees his kidney doctor later in the hall
"sir, why didnt you see me for my kidneys?"
"we did already"

Vietnam
We would trade our C rations like trading cards.

We would encounter lots of landmines and boobie traps. The most common one that we came across were three landmines in a triangle formation. One will explode in the front. When everyone would spread out, two more will explode on the right and left. I saw 15 men die out of my platoon of only 28.

toe popers were a common trap the VK would set up for us.

I got doused and inhaled so much agent orange in my body.

sometimes the VK would charge at our firing lines and I would see our artilery canons horizontal because they were over run by the charge.

Life, Love, and Letdown

why does it seem that whenever I find something or someone whom I would greatly fall in love with just has to end up akward and wierd. Maybe I should just think that this is nothing and let this go. Just have low expectations when it comes to love and just look at every girl that comes by knowing that I have no chance. Its just me and the world and no one else to care. Whenever I want to build something, I aways have that come crashing down. So, why hope? why wait? why blue ball myself into submission. This was the closest thing to happiness I came to and someone who nears perfection, but this I feel like I set the fuse and watched as the stark ignited the gunpowder. Now, Im just feeling the slinters and shrap metal sting my face. With every waking memory of recounting in the past 5 minutes of that evening, I feel a stinging sensation in my heart knowing that, it was the final nail in the coffin to what I ever had going on. :/

Rest In Peace Billy Mays......Cocaine is hell of a drug

Rest In Peace Billy Mays

Now I dont know what I'll do on Saturdays at 2am in the morning.

I dont know what to buy for 19.99

on top of that I get another 2 sets of something else absolutely free. A $70 value, mine only for $19.95.

I dont know who will yell at me to buy something on tv. Iono who will give me dramatic never will happen scenarios of how life is without this product. I have idea of what I will do with myself Billy Mays.

BTW.....COCAINE WAS PRESENT IN BILLY MAYS BODY AT THE TIME OF DEATH, THO NOT THE CAUSE OF IT

......COCAINE IS HELL OF A DRUG - CHARLIE MURPHY

I started work at the warehouse this week. And I like it

I like meeting new people, Im with veterans who did serve in active duty.

Al is a great guy, good leader that stands up for what is right and just. He knows how to handle what needs to be done, and yet he is patient enough to take me under his wing the first day and help me get started

Sam. Yes sihr is one of the most righteous men I know. He is very religious and the first black guy that is vegan. He is very humble and takes great pride in his work. He is such a good person.

Gil, my Filipino supervisor is always thinking 1000 things at once. He is a cronic smoker and gets fustrated easily, but he is honest, hardworking, and caring. And this is why I like him.

Michael Jackson died today from a cardiac arrest at the age 50

Its a shocking and sad day to learn that it was Michael Jackson's death. Its funny and comedic watching everyone's impressions of him. Though, its sad. His music brought all of us together and he gave us something great, but his lifestyle was confusing and corrupted. Im not gonna kiss ass like everyone on the news or media, but I would just like to remember where I was and remember what I was doing

I was playing around in a wheelchair going around the warehouse checking up on everyone when I heard the news. I didnt take it seriously and thought it was a publicity stunt. Then I heard that cbs and msnbc confirmed it. Then thats when it hit me. I was talking to Al, Sam, and Ryan at this time. And we see little Mike falling down, doing the moonwalk, and he rolled up his pant legs to show his socks. We had a good and sombering time. It was said that it was Gill's hero that died today lol. And today Gill felt so accomplished and happy when he passed and got a certificate for his private security training thing. Luis then texted me about everything and we then talked for a little bit.

And so this small event is how I will always remember this.

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson.

Today I dropped into a half pipe successfully.

yup. i did it. twice. when i see an image of a small kid doing it while i just done it. i kinda disappoint myself. oh well. i can just now say that i can do it. yay

My new past time after work

next to my work there is a skate park. i just visited it today and im pretty stoked. iono how to do some of the crazy things like up barriers or quarter pipes, but i like the ramps and stairs. so fun

:]

The Lost Cause

In my civil war history class we are discussing about the South's post war perspective. They had felt that they could have still won the war if a few things have gone their way. On the out set of the war, they were at a somewhat disadvantage. Then throughout the war, they would continue to fight the overwhelming Federal troops with tact and brilliance even though the Confederates were vastly outnumbered.

Any ways, this isnt a history lesson, rather I wonder if my own cause to finding love or caring for someone lost or not. Is it just me? Is there a few points in which I couldve fixed to change the outlook of something? Could my wish been in my grasp, or forever shall I never know. Reading about the civil war is quite sombering and also watching some of these war movies. I just feel so hurt to see so much death and dispair even though I still watch it. I feel like my heart has gone through this. Its bullet riden and exploded by cannons yet it somehow continues. Even though, love maybe my Lost Cause, it is something that I will hope to never give up on.

All the endings are the same for me and I laugh at myself for being such a fool to believe in it

No matter what happens in any situation in my love life. Somehow in someway I fuck things up. There are countless times that this happens, but right now, I am laughing at myself for acting such a fool. I dont know why I falsely believe what I want to believe in. I want to believe in the love that I share with someone. However I can tell and also have a feeling that it will never work. I have many people tell me how good I am and stuff like that, but it just never works. Some say that it is just God telling me to stay focused on my career. I like to think that. But, I just dont feel encouraged with my love life. Everything I do I fall flat on my face and get the wind knocked out of me when it comes to relationships. Oh well, and then all around me I am surrounded by those who are getting together and doing well. Its hard to ignore but they are there. I dont know why I let this bother me but...meh.

I also think that the reason why I am feeling this way is because my escape, my ropes of support, my friends to fall back on, are leaving me. One has a car now and I know how that goes. There goes his whole previous life. Now, everything is about spending money on stupid shit on the car and let his friends go while he is being self absorbed. All I can do is try to act encouraging to him, even though he doesnt do too much for it. And another friend of mine, whom I thought I was closer to, is getting wrapped up in a frat. I still want to be there for him, but like my previous convictions told me, the frats are black holes. You pay them money so that you enter into their bubble. Their bubble is full of unnecessary events, formal dances, and unnecessary spending of money. They hide these things with the promise of girls, an automatic hang out group, and great parties. I am not going to lie, but these are great temptations. It is just that I want to live my life the way I want to be. I cant for whatever reason let anyone tell me what to do for something I feel is not right. Or to be labeled something rather than having my name. Sometimes frat people are full of those who are not really in tuned with the have nots. I want to be my own person and be intouch with those who dont have. I feel community service is giving your change to that poor person on the corner or buying him/'her a cheeseburger. Not hang out with a group of friends, do absolutely nothing and take pictures with homeless. I have my convictions and I need to stick with them. I do get tempted to join, but so does everyone else. I want to still be myself, rather than a symbol or sign. It is just sad to see some of my close friends chose this life and how they get so wrapped up in it that they forget who you are.

Why does this always happen to me

Iono, but i am kinda confused and in a predicament now. I am stuck in the middle of my emotions, knowing that both are uncertain, but I still venture ahead anyways. Why am I blind to know what lies to head to blindly follow my emotions and compassion. One lovely person has already a boyfriend but we had a good time today and it felt like the begining to more fun/ funny adventures and eating ahead. Iono, she just acted really natural and very outgoing and easy going. Something that I would expect my future, well if ever i had one, girlfriend would act towards each other. The other one I help comforted. I just slowly open up to her and have her open up to me. We have a semi common idea of how we both feel about each other. We dont want to say and I know shes been through a lot, and just her lifestyle is opposite from mine and the future seems uncertain. I just dont know how to summarize it other than being a good opening and confirming feeling to know that the other person has the same feelings for you. In the moment it seemed well, but the future seems uncertain. This is my predicament, but I want to keep focused in school and get these grades. I want a good future ahead and go for my goals. So, these things are somewhat overshadowing what I kinda have planned. These are all good things to feel, but in the presence of the importance of some of more prioritized things in my life, I have to stay focused in school. Steady as she goes. Keep going on the road ahead. Stay on track.

I feel like my love life is that of Fry's in Futurama

I sometimes feel like, there is a girl out there. I see her, and no matter what I do I cant get her. Its a goal that I will never reach. Or you had done something once and you were happy, but the next second it came crashing down, but you always still dream.

I'd move all the stars to pronounce my love to you, but too bad you werent there to remember it.

Anyways, I just feel like Fry in Futurama and his love life with Leela. He loves her so much and he does so many sweet things for her, but like him, iono what I do that makes others not like me. :[
makes me kinda sad in away. but yeah, I can compare my love life to that of Fry's in Futurama.

Man, I am so emo on this subject and sad to compare my love life to that of a cartoon character. I will be happy once I am done with this season.

Anyways, I will continue my life with my hopes and dreams of a soft spoken love to the girl of my dreams

The Good Life by Ghost Mice


I wish I was a bumblebee
I wish I lived to love my queen
fly from flower to flower all day
and I'd dance if I had something to say
everybody working to feed our babies
such a simple and honest community
not making money, just making honey
I wish I could make something that sweet.

I wish I was a mountain goat
I wish I didn't know all the things I know
Id eat alpine flowers for lunch each day
and take naps in the sun in some secret place
living high on peaks all covered in snow
in the valleys that no one else could go
what some people call danger I'd call my home
and I'd never have to hear another telephone

I wish that I could be them both
anythings better than being a ghost
I wish I was alive
I wish nobody ever had to die

I hate poster photographers, they take 1000 pictures of something they dont even care to know. and it still looks like shit

Now, I just have to say, this grinds my gears to the extent where i have to tell people. Fuck. Ok.

So today I went to a cafe place at our school called, The Barn, to watch some bands. And tonite, some of my friends are going to be performing. So anyways it was pretty tight. HAng out with some good company and enjoy the nite! Well, my friends were going to perform next. We were all excited and happy, so we all rushed to the front. My friends sounded amazing. It was a great show. Then, midway through a song, some fucking someass asian girl photographer with a camera the size of my head barges to the very front. And stays there. Im like, WTF, take your picture and get the fuck out. dont ruin this for all of us. I know you are a supposed photographer, but I dont bend to you because of that. now get the fuck out.

Anyways, whenever I turn to get a better view, even though Im in the front, her fucking camera is right in my face, and whenever she takes a fucking picture, it gives off a blinding flash. Now, this is a dark room, supposed to be all ambient, but with the mother fucking flash flashing non stop, it is such a distraction to the audience, but also to the performers, now, i think these bitches taking pictures dont even understand that. its so sad. Plus, for me, taking pictures is to capture the natural settings. I dont zoom in on someones finger and take a shitty picture of it. and for goodness sake, turn off the flash, cuz they already have lights over the performers, they dont need your fucking flash, and also, you should not stay there for more than 1-3 pictures, in that time you should go in and get out. you should know where are some key photo moments are, and then get the fuck out of there. it is so not considerate to step in other peoples views and it is just rude to the max. Fuck, those asshole of photographers ruined my mood today. Photography needs to keep it simple, keep it discreet, and keep it natural. you dont make others bend for you, you bend for your subjects. and actually know what is going on, if you are going to be a distraction, know something about your subjects. god damn! motherfucking assholes. fucking asian girls who try to pose like they are artsy indy cool photographers, when in actuality, your work is like shit. please. stop. be are real photographer and not a fucking obnoxious model photographer. if you dont, get the fuck out. jeebus. grrrrr

My highlight of easter day, one of the most cherishing things i wont forget

So today was a nice day, kinda sunny and all.

I went to a nearby church with my friend to participate in service and all. I was hoping to get a renewed sense of spirituality and thankfulness to Jesus, and all he has done for us. Im really grateful for that and all.

So then afterwards, apparently my friend and I were signed up to help set up and run the Easter Egg scavenger hunt.

Hey kids dont wanna know about the passion and know how Jesus was brutally crucified, bloodied, bludgeoned, dehydrated, intense nerve and muscle damage, a crown of thorns placed on his head puncturing his head and skull, the air stinging his hacked back where he was whipped with whips with bones and metal studs at the end of it, the forced march to carry his own cross throughout the town and up the hill, to know and see the place where you are going to be killed. All of this psychological and physcial agony is something no one now can comprehend.

however, we dont want the kids to know this, so candy and eggs are just as good.

and since no one like eating hard boiled eggs anymore, like what i used to have when i was a little kid, they are all eating out of these plastic eggs which are big enough to hold one muskateers bar, a snickers, a starburst, and a chocolate rabit or a few chocolate kisses, yeah i know what i put in there lol. we were told to put like only 1-3 candies in each egg. Though, I knew we had plenty, i was a baller and put like 5-6 or whatever I can squeeze like this. I was later scorned for this, a mother came up to me and asked, "isnt this the day in which we sacrifice to give thanks to the Lord?" and then I replied " Isnt this the day we should be joyous and gracious to the Lord? This isnt about candy to you, is it mame? Today is my gratitude and rememberance to the Lord and less about the candy, but to bring a smile to these children and have them discover something so precious to them and more bountiful is something that I try to aspire to today, and if you are still upset about the candy instead about being gracious to the Lord, then please ma'am, you should rethink your popurpose here" this was like a fuck you bitch, I do what I want answer to her, why the hell did you give out so much candy question.

So anyways, back to the story, I was having fun cheering on the little kids, it was so funny seeing them prancing around like little puppies lol. iono, they are just so innocent, they are so cute.
I see all of these kids dashing for these little green, blue, yellow eggs. I think I was a douche since I kept on putting all of my candy in the green and blue eggs, which makes it harder for these little kids lol. But it was just so fun to see them go at it. I was really happy. So then I see these kids with like 8-10 eggs already, and I see this little kid with only 2. I was like..awww, dood, whats up with 2 eggs? And this is where my competitive nature came out lol. I talked to him and I was like, are you having trouble finding eggs? he was like yes, everyone runs before me and takes them before I come. and he had like a little pouty face, I was like, awww, dont cry, my name is alex, and I will help you get some more eggs, and his eyes lite up, like wreally?? and I was like yup! so put a smile on and lets get dem eggs! haha. and he was searching for them even harder, he was looking in the most randomass spots, like under a tree and all. I was like, hey buddy, Im not that much of a douche to hide them in the most lamest spots (well for like 5 of them i did buried them, hid them in leaves, then in a big patch of grass, in a hole in the tree, and under a slide, kinda douchy i know, but i was going to get them on my way out and eat it on my way home, but i was like.....ehhhhh ok fine) so then, knowing where i put my eggs, I sorta guided my friend, (oh his name is Tommy) to some of these places where i hid it, there was this one egg I put that was out of reach from all the kids, cuz i wanted it, but i decided to help him and let him have it. but it was so gratifying. to see his eye light up after he finds each new egg! It made me happy to see him happy lol. Iono, but I was really involved to helping this kid out. I would point to like some leaves and I'll say, "what do you think about those bunch of leaves? would you think any eggs are in there?" and Tom will say, "in the leaves? but only silly things like worms live under leaves" and I would tell him to go check, and when he found the egg he would look up at me and jump holding the egg with both hands throwing it up into the air and then catching it. He would also fling his head back and stare to the sun and follow the egg as it came back into his hands. It was really cute to me lol.

but yeah, so afterwards he had like 14 eggs, beating everyone by like 3 eggs lol. He got his own prize of a gift basket and all. I was proud lol. I was talking to him some more, and then brought him to his parents.


....and then as he walked away, he came back to me and put a chocolate rabit in my hand and was blushing and covering his mouth with his long sleeve and said, thanksya and then ran back to his parents....

I think this is one of the most unforgetable things that I will cherish in my life and it had brought me some hope and humanity.

and so I wanted to share this so much and so this is why I am sharing this with you.

The runner who trips and falls during the last few steps only to see the guy who cheated walk all over him and take the win. story of my life

i can ollie over 2 boards now. i am very happy about that.

the thing about me tho. when i set my mind to something in front of me, i do it.

if its something that i have a fire inside of me and want it and know it, i do it.

this is only for small things like skateboarding.

I closed my mind to all that was going around, it was just me and the boards. an obstacle in my way only to go over it.

it was a windy day everything just blew, people were walking all around me, often seeing me fall.

no matter how badly bruised, broken, or bloodied, i will still get up and do it again. i feel like i will be the person that will die as i am doing something. whether it be running or whatever, i was continue as long as i tell myself. especially during wrestling, i was that kid who past out running.

It is this continued effort that i believe in is what drives me.

however, this doesnt apply to people or relationships to me.
no matter what i do, or who i meet, something always gets in the way.

Id feel like love isnt just meant for me now. like...

this one girl who i talked to for awhile and then she graduated and then we have still been keeping in touch, is getting swept off her feet by this guy who is loaded taking her out everywhere, visiting her fam, has the great group of friends and network back home, and yet doesnt do anything. this guy knows her for about 6 months and now is taking her on commitment like trips to hawaii and other places. it looks like they are serious, if she is happy with it, then i am happy with it too. i cant do anything right now, nor i want to be in the way of her feelings. so it feels like for this one, i am too far away, too distant, too poor, and wont be able to support her.

for another one, this girl is also very cute and very outgoing and very sweet. we are hanging out more and more and getting closer more and more. however, i know her bf had hit on one of my friends and kinda just wants a gf just because he likes asian girls. other than that tho, he is sorta still has feelings for my friend. and now the girl who is his present gf is so nice and pure that i just cant really handle stepping in. i dont wanna do that. not my place. not my thing. he has a good starting job, he seems established and able to support her. i just hope that she will be happy with him too. but honestly, i had feelings for her for a long time also, for years, but she was always taken by some odd boyfriends. she is something that i want in a girl. someone who is caring and considerate, outgoing, fun, and honest. but these qualities are in all the girls i meet who are taken.

i feel like i am the guy who is short of change to go into a restaurant and looks through the window from outside at everyone having a nice time inside. I just feel alone and out of it.

the third girl, was something more recent. something i never expected and liked. however, something was so fast and one after the other and past history, that i wasnt even in the picture. i guess i came onto a situation where the plan was all set and the ball in motion. aparently there was a guy who liked her just after her messy break up and so this guys friend was also her roommate. and so they were both really close and they both went along with helping the guy get this girl. so its like he would come by everyday and spend a lot of time with her. by time i came along, it was something sorta too fast and all. it was my mistake not realizing that. but next time will be different, if there is ever a next time. but no matter what, stay with the basic getting to know each other steps. so anyways, the guy and the girl i liked are together and i mean, it is one of the better relationships she has been in, so if she is happy then i can live with it. i cant get into the way because her bf is also her roommate who feels very passionate about keeping them together

anyways, i think the point i am trying to make is that i have sacrificed a lot to see another person happy at the expense of my feelings for them. iono if they know it, or can sense it, but i am not really the one to go all out and tell them. i feel like im the the guy who is so close to the finish line and trips over, only to see the person who cheated beat him to the line first.
even just remenising about it kills me inside, i actually cry inside when i think of my pathetic love life. and so this is why i turn to skating. it is something there and comforting. i have myself to be with as i acomplish more, i feel more confident and good as i land an ollie.

Im on a boat motherf**kers
Aww shit, get your towels ready it's about to go down (shorty, yeah)
Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck (shorty, yeah)
But stay on your motherfucking toes
We running this, let's go

I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat (sailing on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat (boat, yeah)

I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea
Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat
You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat

Take a picture, trick (trick)
I'm on a boat, bitch (bitch)
We drinking Santana champ,
Cause it's so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks
And my flippie-floppies
I'm flipping burgers, you at Kinko's
Straight flipping copies

I'm riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit
The dolphin's splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I'm on a boat, motherfucker, don't you ever forget

I'm on a boat and
It's going fast and
I got a nautical themed
Pashmina afghan
I'm the king of the world
On a boat like Leo
If you're on the shore,
Then you're sure not me-oh

Get the fuck up, this boat is REAL!

Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker (motherfucker)
Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker (motherfucker)
I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker (yeah)
This boat engine make noise, motherfucker

Hey ma, if you could see me now (see me now)
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow (starboard bow)
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow (moon somehow)
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible

Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat
It's a big blue watery road (yeah)
Poseidon
Look at me, oh (all hands on deck)

Never thought I'd see the day
When a big boat coming my way
Believe me when I say
I fucked a mermaid

I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat (woah)
I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the mothafuckin' boat (sha-sha-shorty, shorty, yeah)

i have a new screen name

Hiphopopotamus18

beezies

year after year, quarter after quarter, time after time

i find out that my classes are really really interesting once i come to the finals stage. where i tend to actually read the material because i need to out of necessity.
yet somehow i get distracted or something
like today, i have been watching flight of the conchords, eating, watching sharks beat the ducks, when to the store where i fought food and 3 cans of steel reserve. Plus you can also say that i made an outline for my essay thats due on tuesday, but the same day i have another final. so tonite i want to make it as clear and easy as possible to finish the essay in the morning tomorrow or afternoon. so yeah. hmmm something to think about.

"Bitches, Get the Fuck out of this car NOW!"

Fuck driving around soroity bitches to parties. It was ok if it were only once like a few blocks away, but fuck it if we end up driving in circles, getting lost, having drunk bitches nagg you about the fucked up directions they give you. Mind you they switch up the place name like 5 times on us. The constant complaints of their head hurting, the constant cruel high pitched laughs, and the constant talking.
One of them farted in my friends car! And iono what girls eat, but holy fucking shit that was stinky. This came from the same loud fucking gross ass fat bitch who eats a whole pizza and swears she is ghetto even though he lives in the protected hills of the OC.
Why did I consent to go for this, I ask myself, well i did it for my friend. Why not? I cant leave him to these medusas alone. We have to be Thespius to cut off her head and save the day.
If I were to describe my night. I would have to be a cross between Nich and Norahs infinite playlist and Harold and Kumar going to white castle. We ended the nite od maddness saying, "Bitches, Get the Fuck out of the CAR NOW!"
After about and hour and half of consant driving in a 10 mile radius, we did our deed and left these bitches to their fate out side the frat house that has been rolled by the cops earlier. From there, they swore that they knew what they were doing.
Our mission accomplished we went to ralphs and got two 12 packs of miller for $14 and enjoyed it with the two of us.
But then my friend invited some of his freshmen friends over. It was pretty chill talking to them. I am just amazed how these young ins are doing so bad of things. They do not even touch marijuana. However, they are in this case addicted to estacy and cocaine. This is too much for me. I dont even touch or think about that stuff. But it my mind I am just laughing. Laughing at how cool this may seem now. The allure of it. The scareface attitude. However, whenyou get older you realize how stupid that shit really was.
So anyways, while Im laughing at them in my head while thinking if I were ever that stupid in my life, I see this one guy encroaching upon the girl that was sitting next to me. This girl was my friends neighbor in his hall and she was a sophmore. And I look to see this freshmen, trying so badly to hit on her. He is all focused on what she is doing. He tries to spend all his time talking and tapping her shoulder. She tells me later that this guy is straight up creeper status haha.
The funny thing was, knowing that this girl is a fucking annoying soroity girl and we needed to leave one person out of our car while we get food, we were like, "Hey man, you can do this, she is easy, go for it" lol, thinking this he books up the stairs to reach her haha. The whole time he was spending time with her, she told me later, he put his arm around her and was not going anywhere, she was scared and creeped out haha. By the end of the night with the beers finished and our pyramid gone, we called it a night. The annoying soroity girl just booked out the door without saying goodbye or goodnite to us. Then as we were wrapping it up and I was feeling drosy I went to her place next door to ask her whats up with her leaving in a rush haha. And so, we were talking and all, and the freshmen kid from before came past us and he had the most funniest sad look in his face haha. He felt that I was "taking" his mojo as my friend later told me haha. So he just came in and busted into our conversation and all. But yeah, I said my goodbye and I bid her goodnite and I left for bed haha.
Five minutes upon getting to bed, I get a fone call by my friend and her telling me how creeped up his freshmen friend was and how he crashed and burned with her haha
I think I slept at 6am. I woke up around 2ish. yeah. but What a nite that was.

skateboard progress

Last week. I learned how to drop down from benches on my skateboard.


Yesterday I learned how to roll off of benches.


I also am trying to do kickflips. I only have the flicking motion down tho. not the landing part yet.

Questions to ask Chief Justice John Marshal

Dood, whats up

How does it feel to be interpreting new laws?

The country was hella young at the time you were chief justice, how was running the circuit courts like? At least you had to travel.

What is your favorite color?

what was your family like?

What would you like to do at home?

Was your family very centralized and uniform like the union, or was it independent and different like the states?

which states did you like the best? you shouldve came to california if you were alive to see it.

What is your favorite food? I would cook you up some bomb ass spaghetti. no joke.

Im sure everyone asks you about your rulings and decisions, would you still like to discuss them or are you tired?

Thank you for making the country more federalized and more uniformed. It was a good thing. To centralize our national government to have supremacy over state governments was a good thing. If not, I would be forced to live at low wages cuz Im not really all white and California would have the economy of mexico.

What was your rational behind McCullouch vs Maryland. I read it and I know why you did what you did, but I want to hear it coming from you.

Were there any cases that stuck out to you the most?

Do you have any regrets for doing what you did?

How did you like Andrew Jackson, Mr. I do what I want bitches, guy?

Would you ever go back to the Court? What would you do? Would you take over everything?

What do you think of our judicial system now? What would you do to it?

Where were you when I got arrested for public intoxication? Can you help me out by protecting my right to owning my own beer? Isnt that the right to property? Was that an illegal form of search and seizure on behalf by the police?

Accomplishment. Progress. Escape

Today I landed on a curb with an ollie for the first time.
After months of failure and cowardice, I find myself relishing in the feeling of doing something that I dreamed of and believed I couldnt do.
I dream about doing this for awhile and whenever it came to it, I just felt scared and saw images of myself on the ground with a pool of blood around my head.
Iono what possessed me today. Was it stubbornness to get this done? Was it that I forced myself to do it? I honestly dont know.
I seriously could describe what was in my head at that time other than try to keep your back foot in place.
I didnt know what was going to happen. I just concentrated, held my breath and went.
It was as if I focused nothing other than doing it.
Now I just do something and my board follows. I cant even feel the motion of it. I just does it.
Iono. I just feel happy and accomplished now.

I feel sort of sadden now. This is why I started skating. I needed to keep myself occupied and not think about the ones that hurt me. In fact, I still think of them. I know they all moved on and forgot about me. I tried to be ever so nice and true with them, only to have my heart broken.
I wish there was someone I could talk to, to honestly tell my feelings. Im so happy and so proud, but honestly, I feel like I can tell no one. Because no one cares. I really want a person that I could share my passions to, to study with, to hang out with. It doesnt mean living with them as I see others do, but I just feel that like, Im lacking something.

This emptiness of not telling someone who would really care about this is what hurts me and reminds me of all the people who stepped or used me.
I dont think they would like to read that they stepped on me, but thats how I feel.
To flirt with me and to be in the moment. Iono how to describe it.
I dont know if I should think of it as another way or not.
I felt like I was/am an escape for girls.
Escape from thinking about their boyfriends or special someone's that theyve been thinking and seeing.
Make me believe that I could have a chance with them, even though I cant.
Make me have hopes and dreams that someone actually felt the same way as I do with them.
I want to know the person yes, but if things happen so fast, what can I do. Say, whoa stop kissing me, let me talk to you first and get to know you. No? well, I shouldve been the better man, but then iono I would still like to get to know you, but I feel that I had to chance from the start. Someone was still in your heart while you were texting me and I couldnt have seen anything.

And thats what I feel that has been happening. Whoever I talk to, they have all been talking to someone close or their exes. Do I even have a chance with them with true love? or is it that im a buffer and im a cushion. Or am I a brief escape and dream. Innocent and naive to their true intentions and follow them based on a simple believe that they liked me. I do not know which is true or not. Im still learning and I try to be optimistic

But when these moments do come, I am constantly reminded of them. And I wish I have someone close to share with. Instead of typing it in a blog.

This is why skateboarding is an escape for me.

Lipgloss and Letdown

I dont really know how to describe how I feel right now.

Every good thing I have followed thus far has led to some failure and disappointment.

I try to open up and go for it and take chances, but the floor is falling beneath me.

I should just drop everything right now. I feel like letting the plate shatter on the ground.

And watching the shards fly off in their own separate directions.

This is why I went into skating to begin with. To drown out these feelings.

To cut off these letdowns. In the end, Im the only one thats hurting.

Im so used to it, my heart is at a state of numbness and no feeling. It feels pain, but thats it.

I try to wear a separate mask for people to see me at school. One that is shy and quiet.

But honestly, I try to hide my mistrust and calculating feelings I have in people.

All the good things that come into my life, I think of it only numbered.

How long will this good feelings last? 1-3 days? 1 week? 1 weekend?

It has become such a numb feeling now that I just feel myself living dreams. I think that it can be better but it has all ended in letdown.

Lipgloss and Letdown. by A Static Lullaby

The roaring calm. How I felt today

This is a blog about my mundate day and how it reminded me of some of the most sensational blissfull experiences of my life. These are a bunch of sensations and feelings I felt that all reflect a common and peacefull state of mind based upon the most amazing sight I saw today

Have you seen the sky today? Today was something that inspired me.
The roaring calm. The constant stillness. The chaotic slowness of how the rain moved. It was like the dull roar of a storm. It was not loud, but you can still hear it. The rain, it sounded like a soothing and constant mumble. People say that they change with the rain. Some are happier and some are more depressed. But from what I saw, life went on the way it has been rain or shine. The only thing that changed was the brisk walks or the clothes the people wear. I like the rain. Lets me have time to think. Time to just listen to my iPod and go. I dont talk to no one, I dont call no one. I just move. It is this automatic, non thinking motion of inner peace that I like. It is a non thinking state of mind. Where my legs just go on its own and Im just a passenger walking by. The rain as it falls seems like a nontangable mass. It was like a gaint infinite shower. I love that feeling. Getting into a shower and letting the water hit you. It massages you. Your shoulders, your legs, your feet. Your heat and your face. You get used to it. You bask in it. You become more relaxed. For me, all my thoughts go away and Im in inner peace. I dont think about nothing. Its just a state of being. A moment of just blankness and purity. And so this was what the rain reminded me of today.
The best part of it tho. Is the smell. I love the smell after the rain. The smell of freshness, the smell of pure water, the smell of all the dust, dirty, and guilt that was accumulated just was away, like the dirt from your body in the shower. I only wish our memories were somewhat like this. I wish our thoughts and feelings were like this. I wish there were a way we can forgive and make up as easy as rinsing yourself like the water over a dusty plant. I wish things can be renewed like the dry and cracked soil that was thus replenished today. I wish someone could see me renewed and refreshed instead of dirty, crusty, and sadden like back then. The rain brings life and brings something new. It goes out with the old and brings in the new. The rain washes out the ugly and dead and transforms them into something that is more beautiful and new. The washing that the rain did reminded me of a shower. I can help but feel peacefull. I looked up and have the water droplets drop on my face, each drop hitting my face was like a test of my reflexes and sensitivity. I felt alive. As the water ran down my face into my hair, it reminded me of the time I came up from the riptide when I was surfing. It was so nice.
The riptide was so turbulent and so forcefull, I couldnt move. All I did was go with the flow. Turn in endless cycles of current beneath the surface. I panicked at first, trying to use my arms and legs to swim out from it. But, I couldnt move, I accepted it. I didnt know how long I lasted underneath there, but I conserved my energy and just observed all of the bubbles and water around me. Then as sudden it engulfed me, it suddenly let me go. At the first sign of that, I had a burst of energy and jumped up to the surface like that shark catching that seal. I felt the air, the sun, the smell of the water all coming to me all at once. In my head, there was a sense overload. I was hit with so many things happening to me all at once. I saw first was the clouds over me. Looming there like it wasnt going anywhere. And then as I looked down I saw the foamy surface of the water and the rolling waves coming my way. When I looked at how the waves were formed, it made me aware of how something so suttle and so minute can roll and transform into something massive and forcefull. Like a charge. You begin with a brisk walk, then a light jog, then into a full sprint. Nothing can stop you, nothing can waver you. You are a kamikaze. You are the devine wind that swept into the enemy Mongul ships from entering Japan. This sensation of when I looked at the wave was something so powerful I just had to respect. The salt water splashing into my eyes and nose. The stinging of it and the feeling of pain brought me back to earth. And then the roar of the ocean before me was almost deafening. My arms and legs could barely move. My legs felt stronger and I made stronger kicks, my arms tightly griped my board and with each stroke I took, the more energized my arms became. This was the sensation of blissfullness that I never experienced. It was an exciting and adreneline indusing experience that I have ever had. That day, I truely felt alive.
And then as the rain stopped and the clouds parted, I saw something that reminded me of an act of God. The clouds parted in such a way and in such an angel that the sun passed through the middle of a ring of clouds. It was absolutely spectacular. The colors of the sun brushing the bottom of each cloud was phenonmenal. The bright cream orange color mixed in with a cream colored pink and red turned into violet and soft purple and then ultimately to blue and then gray. It was like a reversed rainbow. The color spectrum was so inspiring to me that today I found myself stopping what I was doing and just stared at the sky. I did this all the time when I was a little kid looking up at the sky after the rain. Iono why, just that picturesque sight is something so beautiful and so alluring to me that I can help myself by to take it all in.
Some writers from the ancient world said this was a sight of a great battle that was victorious, or of a great warrior getting killed. All throughout history there have been many ways to interpret this sight. All were different and all were aweinspiring, but all of the writers had the same sight in mind when they wrote it. To me, I dont think of great battles or warriors, I just look at it in a really aweinspired way. I love it. If I were to die, I would like to die at one of these sightings. Its something so beautiful and so seriene that I am at absolute bliss.
This blog has so many different aspects to it. I know. From the way the rain felt today, to my rememberence of surfing, to the state at which I would like to die in. These are all feelings that rush through me whenever I think of this feeling and this sight. It is so hard to describe how I felt, but with each aspect of which I observed I had the most amazing feeling in the world. And this was how it felt like to me.

the quiet things that no one ever knows

This is my first blog. Im not really the one to write. The only times that I truely have the urge to write is when something bad has happened to me. So, I dont want to jinx myself now.

About me.
Im the quiet guy that no one really knows. I dont really shout out or do anything out of the ordinary to get attention. Im not too big on brand stuff and I get everything I wear from sales from skate shop or from marshalls. I hang around with lots of people and I tend to grow an strong bond with them that I will do anything for them. But thats another story.

I feel that Im the nice guy that finishes last all the time. So, if I tease you and you dont like it, dont take it too heart cuz Im just trying to get your attention and it means that I do think about you and just want to talk to you. However, Im used to being used by others and getting stepped on to certain extents. I never really experienced to many good things. I dont believe that I have ever had major long term relationships just some fly by night ones. However, I do want to be somewhat stable and I want to care for another person and love the feeling when I am loved again. For, Im in college and far from home and I often feel quiet alone and ignored. I try to keep myself busy for doing sports or working out, but I cant bring myself to consistently going to a gym. I feel like im a hampster running in place. If I work for something I want results. That is how I am with everything in life. Except love, cuz I have no real experience there and I just epically fail.

I feel that whenever I have something good and just and right, I would end up tripping or falling on my face. I have something right now that I want to cherish and I do cherish it now, but I dont want anything to happen to it. My worst fear is losing this one chance I have. So I want to let you know that if Im being too overly compulsive on certain things, its that I care and worried for you. Just tell me to stop anytime and I will drop anything to listen to you.

I usually try to stay somewhat frugal. I would try to get that extra free thing where I go. However, when it comes to friends and family, money is not an object. That is how I am I guess.

Another thing, I defy authority. Even though my father, grandfather, and great grandfather served, Im hesitant about it. I had a really good friend from elementary school, die 3 days after I talked to him before he was coming back from Iraq. This whole war is unjust and a mistake. I want everyone to come home and send Bush to that place. So going back to authority even thought what I said was no where relavent, I constantly encourage my rights to question authority. From police to our government. I yelled at a lobbyest for the Hummer Dealership. I yelled at assemblymen who decides to pass bills to raise their salary and lower service worker's wages. I want to bring everyone's flaws to their face and see how they react. I feel that in away I can relate to the poor people that they screw over.

I came from humble beginings. And my childhood wasnt to much to glorify about. I did lots of shameful things but after learning and figuring myself out, I feel that Im a better person for what I done.

And most of all, I hate people who live in a money driven bubble. Anyone from the OC, Irvine, or Hollywood, I consider you to be in this bubble. You are so unaware of everything around you that I just hate it. I wish we could subsitute your selfish colonies in exchange for the poor people from 3rd world countries who actually work to survive. I hate it when I see 16 year olds drive skyliniers or hummers. I hate for who they are and represent. I wish I could subject them to the same suffering and hardship that I went through to prove a point that they are no higher than anyone else.

So going through the story from the top. I guess I'll write a few words from that incident. I was at a party and it was nice. It was my friends house and there were lots of people there and everyone was having fun. However, some basketball players rolled up and started to destroy everything and steal things. They started fights inside the house and the fights started to move outside. When my friend (a girl) asked them to leave politely. I guy came up and slapped her in the face. Now, I was drunk, but I cant let that slide. This was a tall black guy easily over 6 feet tall and 200 pounds. And I just went into his face and told him to apologize. No one should ever hit women. No man or basketball player. I dont care who you are, but you stepped over the line. The guy just laughed at me and shoved me back. Then I punched him in the throat. As he was reeling back, I got blindsided by some of his "homies" I was tackled to the ground and got beat. I was kicked in the face, head, ribs, hands, legs, everywhere. I dont know if I were drunk or what but I honestly didnt feel anything. The only thing I noticed was the swelling of my eye and the feeling of blood dripping from my face. The whole time I was saying, an observer said was, "please leave" During this time. Everyone just made a big opening, looking on as I was getting beat up. No one moved, no one protested no one did anything. It was about 8 black guys against me. I trying my best catching their kicks and twisting their ankles until I heard a popping noise. Then they threw me up against a car and started taking turns hitting me. Still, no one helped me out. They relentlessly pounded my face, chest ears, and jaw. over and over. and I just yelled out, "please leave". I then saw this last guy wind up for a final blow, and as he threw it, I moved my body before he could hit me, thus his hand went straight into the car and I heard a crunch. And him screaming afterwards. After this I think they got tired. I was so out of it that I believed someone pulled me out. My clothes were all bloody and my eyes were shut. I was so pumped up in adrenaline that I could not feel anything. I washed up the best I could and ran back to see them. This time with a 2x4 in one hand and a beer bottle in the other. Everyone told me to stop, but I kept on pushing them aside and went out. Then I guess they were leaving, so I threw everything at their car as they drove off.

The last thing I remember before I past out was going over to my friend and asking her if she were all right. She later otld me that despite how ugly I looked, I asked her with a smile.

This incident is nothing glorious, it is just to exemplify how far I would go for my friends. I might not be the loudest one, but whenever their lives are at risk, I am willing to sacrifice myself to save them first.

And I was like this growing up. I got into so many fights that some might say it were meaningless. But if it were to make others from picking on my friends, stealing from them, or bullying them, I did whatever it took to stop them.


Anywho, that was a long tangent. It was the past. I hope Im not as violent now as I were when I was younger. I just want to live my life with no regrets and always with a moral standing. I feel that I do what I want to do even if its against the norm. I do what I feel is just and right.

So yeah. Because of my past, I feel that everything good in my life that I have now will be shortly lived. I feel like Im about to drop the ball or trip up. I want to cherish the thing that i care for the most right now. I want to be there for her. Emotionally, intellectually, physically. I want to be the best I can for the one I care for most. I hope she can see it this way for I fail at making words flow.


Anyways, this is just a small non glorious part of me that I decided to write. If you want to know me more, just come and meet me Im always open and I love to talk and have conversations.

I am who I am. Just accept it.
And I will always do the same for you.

You might feel broken or lost. I accept you for who you are, no matter what. What happened, happened. There's no going back. What we do now and in the future determines who we are now.