This is my first blog. Im not really the one to write. The only times that I truely have the urge to write is when something bad has happened to me. So, I dont want to jinx myself now.
About me.
Im the quiet guy that no one really knows. I dont really shout out or do anything out of the ordinary to get attention. Im not too big on brand stuff and I get everything I wear from sales from skate shop or from marshalls. I hang around with lots of people and I tend to grow an strong bond with them that I will do anything for them. But thats another story.
I feel that Im the nice guy that finishes last all the time. So, if I tease you and you dont like it, dont take it too heart cuz Im just trying to get your attention and it means that I do think about you and just want to talk to you. However, Im used to being used by others and getting stepped on to certain extents. I never really experienced to many good things. I dont believe that I have ever had major long term relationships just some fly by night ones. However, I do want to be somewhat stable and I want to care for another person and love the feeling when I am loved again. For, Im in college and far from home and I often feel quiet alone and ignored. I try to keep myself busy for doing sports or working out, but I cant bring myself to consistently going to a gym. I feel like im a hampster running in place. If I work for something I want results. That is how I am with everything in life. Except love, cuz I have no real experience there and I just epically fail.
I feel that whenever I have something good and just and right, I would end up tripping or falling on my face. I have something right now that I want to cherish and I do cherish it now, but I dont want anything to happen to it. My worst fear is losing this one chance I have. So I want to let you know that if Im being too overly compulsive on certain things, its that I care and worried for you. Just tell me to stop anytime and I will drop anything to listen to you.
I usually try to stay somewhat frugal. I would try to get that extra free thing where I go. However, when it comes to friends and family, money is not an object. That is how I am I guess.
Another thing, I defy authority. Even though my father, grandfather, and great grandfather served, Im hesitant about it. I had a really good friend from elementary school, die 3 days after I talked to him before he was coming back from Iraq. This whole war is unjust and a mistake. I want everyone to come home and send Bush to that place. So going back to authority even thought what I said was no where relavent, I constantly encourage my rights to question authority. From police to our government. I yelled at a lobbyest for the Hummer Dealership. I yelled at assemblymen who decides to pass bills to raise their salary and lower service worker's wages. I want to bring everyone's flaws to their face and see how they react. I feel that in away I can relate to the poor people that they screw over.
I came from humble beginings. And my childhood wasnt to much to glorify about. I did lots of shameful things but after learning and figuring myself out, I feel that Im a better person for what I done.
And most of all, I hate people who live in a money driven bubble. Anyone from the OC, Irvine, or Hollywood, I consider you to be in this bubble. You are so unaware of everything around you that I just hate it. I wish we could subsitute your selfish colonies in exchange for the poor people from 3rd world countries who actually work to survive. I hate it when I see 16 year olds drive skyliniers or hummers. I hate for who they are and represent. I wish I could subject them to the same suffering and hardship that I went through to prove a point that they are no higher than anyone else.
So going through the story from the top. I guess I'll write a few words from that incident. I was at a party and it was nice. It was my friends house and there were lots of people there and everyone was having fun. However, some basketball players rolled up and started to destroy everything and steal things. They started fights inside the house and the fights started to move outside. When my friend (a girl) asked them to leave politely. I guy came up and slapped her in the face. Now, I was drunk, but I cant let that slide. This was a tall black guy easily over 6 feet tall and 200 pounds. And I just went into his face and told him to apologize. No one should ever hit women. No man or basketball player. I dont care who you are, but you stepped over the line. The guy just laughed at me and shoved me back. Then I punched him in the throat. As he was reeling back, I got blindsided by some of his "homies" I was tackled to the ground and got beat. I was kicked in the face, head, ribs, hands, legs, everywhere. I dont know if I were drunk or what but I honestly didnt feel anything. The only thing I noticed was the swelling of my eye and the feeling of blood dripping from my face. The whole time I was saying, an observer said was, "please leave" During this time. Everyone just made a big opening, looking on as I was getting beat up. No one moved, no one protested no one did anything. It was about 8 black guys against me. I trying my best catching their kicks and twisting their ankles until I heard a popping noise. Then they threw me up against a car and started taking turns hitting me. Still, no one helped me out. They relentlessly pounded my face, chest ears, and jaw. over and over. and I just yelled out, "please leave". I then saw this last guy wind up for a final blow, and as he threw it, I moved my body before he could hit me, thus his hand went straight into the car and I heard a crunch. And him screaming afterwards. After this I think they got tired. I was so out of it that I believed someone pulled me out. My clothes were all bloody and my eyes were shut. I was so pumped up in adrenaline that I could not feel anything. I washed up the best I could and ran back to see them. This time with a 2x4 in one hand and a beer bottle in the other. Everyone told me to stop, but I kept on pushing them aside and went out. Then I guess they were leaving, so I threw everything at their car as they drove off.
The last thing I remember before I past out was going over to my friend and asking her if she were all right. She later otld me that despite how ugly I looked, I asked her with a smile.
This incident is nothing glorious, it is just to exemplify how far I would go for my friends. I might not be the loudest one, but whenever their lives are at risk, I am willing to sacrifice myself to save them first.
And I was like this growing up. I got into so many fights that some might say it were meaningless. But if it were to make others from picking on my friends, stealing from them, or bullying them, I did whatever it took to stop them.
Anywho, that was a long tangent. It was the past. I hope Im not as violent now as I were when I was younger. I just want to live my life with no regrets and always with a moral standing. I feel that I do what I want to do even if its against the norm. I do what I feel is just and right.
So yeah. Because of my past, I feel that everything good in my life that I have now will be shortly lived. I feel like Im about to drop the ball or trip up. I want to cherish the thing that i care for the most right now. I want to be there for her. Emotionally, intellectually, physically. I want to be the best I can for the one I care for most. I hope she can see it this way for I fail at making words flow.
Anyways, this is just a small non glorious part of me that I decided to write. If you want to know me more, just come and meet me Im always open and I love to talk and have conversations.
I am who I am. Just accept it.
And I will always do the same for you.
You might feel broken or lost. I accept you for who you are, no matter what. What happened, happened. There's no going back. What we do now and in the future determines who we are now.
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