Just Fuck It

Fuck work. I work too hard to do this shit. From 8am I am busting my ass. I jump into shit. I jump into helping out with deliveries, tagging shipments and packages. I help my other co workers with their deliveries. I run all around the hospital. Then I do the inside run for the mail. I do it twice. Once at 9:30 and another at 1:30. Then I have to separate the mail and process everything in between. I am so fucking busy during the day that I barely sit down and eat lunch. Everyone is expecting me a summer hire to do a full time employee's job. That means they expect me to know every name, every place, every rate, and make everyone feel special all at the same time. I usually have another person or persons helping me. But more often than not, Im here by myself, left with all the pieces hanging. Why? Some retiree is gonna take his leave. im ok with that. Then I have this lil punk ass fucking slacker who has surgery, but still comes down to work. does nothing here, gets paid, tells everyone that he is working when he is not and get about his business. He doenst even help me. He makes a mess and walks away. He moves one pile of shit to another. what the fuck it up with that? He takes it so fucking easy. Why? Cuz he ass licks and gets fucked by management who is run by perverted old men who just want their faces on the fucking local news. They are so wrapped up in their egos its shamefull. Whenever we bring up their incompetence actions and their wasteful spending, they fire everyone. When they do something wrong, they are quick to blame the little grunts. they are kaniving and punk ass bitches. I get so fustrated and stressed out that I want to kill someone. tear them apart. On top of everything else, I get yelled at by other departments cuz they want their shit out early. FUCK THEM. I get paid too little and worked so hard to deserve this shit. So I speak my mind. I hate the system at this place so much that I want to burn it all and kill all those bitches in management. Im not getting 10 pipe bombs, a chainsaw, or a machete, but I just hope someday they can realize how bad and hurtful they were and try to repent or change the ways of how they do things. I want to be there when they fuck up badly and they are all crying. Whats worst is that all who suffer the most. Are the patients. Those whom we are here to help and serve. They are what keep me going.

Putting myself in Check

Today I had a bad day.

Frustrating, blood boiling, furious, leathal, primal, and deadly.

I felt like I wanted to go out and fucking kill someone. I was going to rip them up part by part in the most agonizing, painful, and intense way possible. I was just that mad.

....It all started from this morning. Woke up at 7am! instead of 6am. Running kinda late. becoming speed racer down Highway 50. Fucking going in and out of lanes, passing up slow ass people, and my constant velocity was about 79-85 mph. With morning traffic. I would push people and cut in front of them. Very selfish now I think about it. All this for a job that I dont really like doing so much? mehhh.

I want to apologize to all the people I made angry out of my fit of arrogance and rage.

Then once at work, I had to deliver a package. Well, it was mislabeled by these people and I had to walk to FIVE different departments all across the hospital just to find this person. D; I was tired from all that shit that couldve been avoided by the right labeling. oh well. stupid people

Then, my supervisor got wind that the Inspectors are coming in tomorrow. So, he ran around with his head in his ass making everyone jump and do random shit that he himself doesnt even know what to do. Just put up boxes that has been sitting for months on end, cleaning, and getting more things processed and done. If we've been doing things correctly all the time, we wouldve done all this stupid pressured filled, intense panicing. And to have him get on my ass while I handle my stuff was kinda stressfull too. D;

At the end of the day, I walk out to my car and some fucking jackass of a person fucking parks 6 inches from my car. just cause this punk ass little bitch drives a BMW, they think they can do what they want. At least take the time to try to straighten your car a little bit and think of how others when they have to get into their car. Well, that bmw was a piece of shit anyways, it was broke no joke. So that was a little dagger in my side. D;

On the way out, I had this slow ass person let everyone into the lane in front of her, stopping our lane for like 5 minutes. I lost some patience there too. D;

On the way home, there was a dumb fuck in a Yukon fucking jutting in and out of lanes of traffic, the dumb shit was holding things, talking on a cell fone and was driving irratically. Fuck man, really now? D;

Upon seeing that, I had to move over a lane for my exit. And the fucking slow ass girl was driving 55 mph in a 65 mph zone. Now, what the hell is that? She doesnt signal or does anything but be slow and a nuissance. I was enraged by now. I just wanted to get off. D;

Then, on the way home, I had this fucking bitch pushing me for 5 miles. on my tail. I drive the speed I wanna drive. If 5 mph over the speed limit is too slow for you, then fuck off. This bitch was high beaming me, almost ramming me. I did some speed checks to her and shit to fuck with her. So that added to my pressure. D;

Once I got to the East Lawn area, theres these fucking ginormous mansions there. And this girl in an escalade fucking pulls out, taking up both lanes of traffic on our side and proceeds to drive against the flow of traffic to get onto the other side. Well, fuck it. If she wants to play chicken fine with me. I was blowign my horn, yelling, using hand gestures, and screamed at her to get out of the way, I cant stop or slow down because there were hella people behind me and this dumb bitch wasnt paying attention. So I was furious then. D;

Then further down the road one of the side streets have access to the main traffic street, but there is no traffic signals. People usually wait long time to cross two lanes of traffic into the other lanes. Well, this girl fucking stops in the middle of both lanes of traffic to wait for the other side. I am about ready to fucking get out of the car and beat that car up. Or fucking yell at that bitch about driving. I honk, I yell, I scream, I high beam. She finally notices until 200 ft away and backs up so she only blocks one lane. My lane. I was furious and wanted to ram her car so bad. D;

Then, on the way to my dad's work, there is a two lane, single lane way street. It was a 25 mph zone and this woman was doing 10 mph......For like 5 blocks! being behind someone like that just fucking kills me, that is when I wanted to come out and fucking kill someone with my bare hands.
D;

.....But I told my parents this and this is what they said....

Imagine if you have a wife and 3 kids who you all support, and you have to tell them that you had just lost your job. What then? Do you have a job? Do you have a good family? Do you have family support? Are we all alive? Are you healthy? Are we living comfortably?

If so, why complain?

There is more to life that all this stoopid shit. LEt it go and there would be peace. Take deep breaths and imagine their deaths.



The world will still continue moving, time keeps going, people keeping living.

Ryan, the Iraq war veteran. And all its glory

Ryan, 24 years old. Just got married in May. Loves his new wife and loves the out doors. He is currently going to school at Folsom Lake JC to study computer science. He has a scraggly beard and wears old jeans and shirt to work. He is a vibrant person who has experienced and done some amazing things in his life.

Apart from working at various clubs in salt lake city, he worked at a car part warehouse and then as a bartender and then he went to the military as supply and logistics, where he only had done infantry escort service jobs. Now he is at the VA

here are some of his stories he told to me about his war.

His first encounter with a IED.
He was on his first escort mission and was going over a bridge. There was another hummer going underneath when he felt a bump. I turned around and pat himself down to realize he was ok but saw all this rubble on his post.

another encounter was these IEDs are directional, where they have a metal plate guiding the explosion. ryan was the gunner and he went down to tie his shoes, when the directional IED exploded over him. If he were to have not tied his shoes, he wouldve died.

He would sleep during the day where it was so hot, and do missions at night.

He hates women soldiers. Medically, they are not as capable as men when left out in the wilderness for long periods of time.
In basic, they had co ed training. His entire platoon was smoked cuz one of the DI found a used tampon in the floor. Everyone was punished. Even the guys.
When he went of wilderness training courses, the women would come back with yeast infections and urine infections and all that stuff. They need to take more unnecessary things with them on missions.
There was this one girl. She was ok looking, she couldve been hot if she tried, wanted to sleep with every guy in the platoon. Ryan told her off and she kept going after him, until she was transfered to another unit.

Ryan did missions primarily in northern Iraq. By mosul. He would volunteer to go on certain missions to some bases just for their hot sandwiches there.
The whole strategy of going out of cities to give them back to the Iraqi military was in place long before the public withdrawl. what happened was that the iraqis didnt take the training seriously and felt that the americans had their backs. but when the americans left and the military was getting slaughtered, they begged the american military back and retrain them so that they were to take it seriously this time.

He remembers when was in a fire fight and one of his guys had his calf blown off and sheered his shin bone in half. He was the radio operator and had to fight for 8 hours to get a medavac to save his comrade. It was the most gorry, stressful, and horrific time he recalls. His friend was going into shock, and they can see all the blood and blown up part of the leg and everything.
now that guy has skin over his bone, no calf, and rods holding his leg.

There was another guy he knew that had his leg blown off as well. The government makes different legs for people depending on what activity they feel like doing. So among the legs, his friend asked the government to make him a wooden peg leg, so he can wear it for halloween xP

The military is full of paperwork and mundane shit. If you want to go home early or just get out of things early, just say that you werent in combat or seen anything or just have any injuries, cuz if you do, they will hold you for 3 more days.

When you get into the army, you grow accustomed to eating junk food. when we went out for missions, we had poptarts, snickers, muffins, and sodas.

You can make bombs out of your MREs. What you do is to take out all of instant heating stuff that comes with your MREs and put it inside a bottle or something. Then you just add water, the pressure will blow it up. Its much like dry ice.

When we would come to the outside of our base, little Iraqi kids would be throwing rocks at us. To this, we would get some soda that has been boiling next to the tank engines, Id shake them up and chuck it down at the kids feet so that the soda will blow up and hot syrup would get all over them.

Rants about Work

People, I dont know everything first of all. I cant remember 1/6000 names, I cant find your single brown box among hundreds, I cant know what needs to be done if you never tell me, I cant be at 2 places at once, I wont run across the hospital so that you can be first in line. I dont give a shit about you, your authority or how busy you are compared to me. I do my job, and I do it right.

Wisdom of soldiers

Milton Brown.
The Vietnam Sniper, retired vet, retired mailroom employee, and soon to be lawyer

i never talk about war. Ever. Its nothing I wish to no one and no one should ever be subjected to it.

It is your obligation to your attacker to warn them before you take any action

the difference between a garrison soldier and a foot soldier is that a foot soldier fights to kill.

when you do something, make sure you do it right. speed will come later

when you do it right, you only need to do it once.

some of milton brown's quotes

Hehhhllo

let me as you a simple question

you are a gentleman and a scholar

whats up daddy rich?

im always having a good day

Milton had a friend. Second craziest person he know, but one of his best friends. Would wear two knifes in each of his boots when he was out in the field.
His friend had long hair to his back. Whenever they went to town to the bars to buy rounds for everyone, this friend never liked anyone staring at him. When someone did that, his friend would go apeshit on him. Bust tables, chairs, bottles, everything. Milton limit himself to two beers knowing that they were about to be shut down. It was because of this incident where Milton and his friends were barred from every bar in every town they stopped at. He told me that his commanding officer told them that they had to stay out for 90 days in the field because of this. But if you are with people who would die for you, it doesnt matter where you party, so they never minded.

Vietnam War Stories of Leroy Crabtree. A loveable 306 lb santa claus looking, kind hearted harley davidson riding man

Leroy Crabtree.
He eats only double cheeseburgers and is an outright anti vegetarian of any shape or form.
in in his genes he says.
Mr Sam I am that does not like green eggs and ham kelly calls him Leroy of all Crabtrees.
Always asking him to try tofu scrambled eggs.
Leroy has major kidney and carpeltunnel problems.
His wife has an on going cancer that is slowly getting to him
He is not of the 1 percenter gangs. he calls himiself a motorcyclist.
He rides on a big black and white harley davidson with big saddlebags and looks pretty solid on it
He does not want to be in any leadership position whatsoever and we tease him about being our workleader.
He always tries to joke around with me to join the marines and go to marines ocs school lol. officer training corps.

These are some of his stories that I feel to keep around and keep forever.
Bootcamp.
Reception.
"What type of hair cut you want?" if you answer, they slap you aside the head and start shaving your head from the middle... then a, "get your ass out of my chair and into the corner. NEXT!"

"Blanket parties are when you screw up and blow it for your whole company, that nite two guys pull your blankets down so you cant move while everyone takes a turn beating you with soap bars inside their pillow cases"

"if you ever get a hangover and do your 6 mile run, you know who your true friends are when they hold both of your shoulders up and the guy that you barf on doesnt kick your ass"

"if you ever have a loose footlocker, the drill sergant will make you drag your footlocker to the middle of the parade ground. make you dig a hole deep enough for it, bury it, and then dig it up. the whole time, two of your friends or your whole company would be on guard during the whole nite while you are doing this. then the next day is your blanket party"

Army hospitals
officer comes "Smith! get your ass in my office!"
"Im not Smith sir, Im Leroy."
"The fuck you arent smith! Get your ass in my office, we are gonna pull some teeth!"
"oh no sir, Im hear to have my kidneys done. not my teeth"
"bullshit, get the fuck over here now!"
then an orderly tells the officer that he is not smith
leroy then sees his kidney doctor later in the hall
"sir, why didnt you see me for my kidneys?"
"we did already"

Vietnam
We would trade our C rations like trading cards.

We would encounter lots of landmines and boobie traps. The most common one that we came across were three landmines in a triangle formation. One will explode in the front. When everyone would spread out, two more will explode on the right and left. I saw 15 men die out of my platoon of only 28.

toe popers were a common trap the VK would set up for us.

I got doused and inhaled so much agent orange in my body.

sometimes the VK would charge at our firing lines and I would see our artilery canons horizontal because they were over run by the charge.

Life, Love, and Letdown

why does it seem that whenever I find something or someone whom I would greatly fall in love with just has to end up akward and wierd. Maybe I should just think that this is nothing and let this go. Just have low expectations when it comes to love and just look at every girl that comes by knowing that I have no chance. Its just me and the world and no one else to care. Whenever I want to build something, I aways have that come crashing down. So, why hope? why wait? why blue ball myself into submission. This was the closest thing to happiness I came to and someone who nears perfection, but this I feel like I set the fuse and watched as the stark ignited the gunpowder. Now, Im just feeling the slinters and shrap metal sting my face. With every waking memory of recounting in the past 5 minutes of that evening, I feel a stinging sensation in my heart knowing that, it was the final nail in the coffin to what I ever had going on. :/