Life, Love, and Letdown

why does it seem that whenever I find something or someone whom I would greatly fall in love with just has to end up akward and wierd. Maybe I should just think that this is nothing and let this go. Just have low expectations when it comes to love and just look at every girl that comes by knowing that I have no chance. Its just me and the world and no one else to care. Whenever I want to build something, I aways have that come crashing down. So, why hope? why wait? why blue ball myself into submission. This was the closest thing to happiness I came to and someone who nears perfection, but this I feel like I set the fuse and watched as the stark ignited the gunpowder. Now, Im just feeling the slinters and shrap metal sting my face. With every waking memory of recounting in the past 5 minutes of that evening, I feel a stinging sensation in my heart knowing that, it was the final nail in the coffin to what I ever had going on. :/

Rest In Peace Billy Mays......Cocaine is hell of a drug

Rest In Peace Billy Mays

Now I dont know what I'll do on Saturdays at 2am in the morning.

I dont know what to buy for 19.99

on top of that I get another 2 sets of something else absolutely free. A $70 value, mine only for $19.95.

I dont know who will yell at me to buy something on tv. Iono who will give me dramatic never will happen scenarios of how life is without this product. I have idea of what I will do with myself Billy Mays.

BTW.....COCAINE WAS PRESENT IN BILLY MAYS BODY AT THE TIME OF DEATH, THO NOT THE CAUSE OF IT

......COCAINE IS HELL OF A DRUG - CHARLIE MURPHY

I started work at the warehouse this week. And I like it

I like meeting new people, Im with veterans who did serve in active duty.

Al is a great guy, good leader that stands up for what is right and just. He knows how to handle what needs to be done, and yet he is patient enough to take me under his wing the first day and help me get started

Sam. Yes sihr is one of the most righteous men I know. He is very religious and the first black guy that is vegan. He is very humble and takes great pride in his work. He is such a good person.

Gil, my Filipino supervisor is always thinking 1000 things at once. He is a cronic smoker and gets fustrated easily, but he is honest, hardworking, and caring. And this is why I like him.

Michael Jackson died today from a cardiac arrest at the age 50

Its a shocking and sad day to learn that it was Michael Jackson's death. Its funny and comedic watching everyone's impressions of him. Though, its sad. His music brought all of us together and he gave us something great, but his lifestyle was confusing and corrupted. Im not gonna kiss ass like everyone on the news or media, but I would just like to remember where I was and remember what I was doing

I was playing around in a wheelchair going around the warehouse checking up on everyone when I heard the news. I didnt take it seriously and thought it was a publicity stunt. Then I heard that cbs and msnbc confirmed it. Then thats when it hit me. I was talking to Al, Sam, and Ryan at this time. And we see little Mike falling down, doing the moonwalk, and he rolled up his pant legs to show his socks. We had a good and sombering time. It was said that it was Gill's hero that died today lol. And today Gill felt so accomplished and happy when he passed and got a certificate for his private security training thing. Luis then texted me about everything and we then talked for a little bit.

And so this small event is how I will always remember this.

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson.

Today I dropped into a half pipe successfully.

yup. i did it. twice. when i see an image of a small kid doing it while i just done it. i kinda disappoint myself. oh well. i can just now say that i can do it. yay

My new past time after work

next to my work there is a skate park. i just visited it today and im pretty stoked. iono how to do some of the crazy things like up barriers or quarter pipes, but i like the ramps and stairs. so fun

:]

The Lost Cause

In my civil war history class we are discussing about the South's post war perspective. They had felt that they could have still won the war if a few things have gone their way. On the out set of the war, they were at a somewhat disadvantage. Then throughout the war, they would continue to fight the overwhelming Federal troops with tact and brilliance even though the Confederates were vastly outnumbered.

Any ways, this isnt a history lesson, rather I wonder if my own cause to finding love or caring for someone lost or not. Is it just me? Is there a few points in which I couldve fixed to change the outlook of something? Could my wish been in my grasp, or forever shall I never know. Reading about the civil war is quite sombering and also watching some of these war movies. I just feel so hurt to see so much death and dispair even though I still watch it. I feel like my heart has gone through this. Its bullet riden and exploded by cannons yet it somehow continues. Even though, love maybe my Lost Cause, it is something that I will hope to never give up on.